Saturday, September 04, 2004

Bad day today. Tension headache, too much stuff on the daily planner’s list, been absentee Dad for a few days now. Type of day that makes me not like myself very much . . .I’m realizing now that perhaps more people read this than used to. Maybe some folks might get alarmed at my honesty, I don’t know. But I know two things: pastor or not (mission planter or not, vicar or not), I’m still woefully human. I’ve got my own share of scars and hurts and worries and pains . . . and I’m not the type to just stuff them down and put on a fake shiney smile. That’d be worse, for me. But even if today is a bad day, I’m still moving forward. Even if I feel like I can’t handle one single more thing, even if I feel like I can’t even handle the stuff I’ve got going on now, even if I feel like I’m just not the guy for the job (ANY job!) . . . I’m still moving forward. I’ve got a task to do, and it’s not my strength or might or wisdom or spirituality or anything that will get it done. It’s not as though I have to like myself all the time, because frankly I’m not really likeable all the time. It’s not as though I have to be on top of things all the time, because frankly I get swamped. It’s enough for me to know today, right now, that God is working in me, through me, and for me. I can live with that.