Wednesday, February 01, 2012

I don't understand God . . . but that's okay.

Having vision brings a wonderful clarity to your life and direction.

Following the advice of the gurus, making a 10-year plan, setting goals, and working to achieve them--that gives you an insight that others don't have.  A sense of purpose.  Certainty.  You know without a doubt what you will become and the steps you need to take to get there.

This sense of planned destiny, of purposeful decision, gets you up in the morning.  It propels you through the day.  Days become steps.  Weeks become legs of a climb.  Months become another steppe achieved.  And the mountain is conquered.

I envy my friends who have such a clear purpose.  They seem to stride confidently from one room to the next, sure of their purpose and goal. Their sure-footed certainty speaks of the clarity of visionary leadership that is coveted by all who dare to lead a group into the future. 

Having vision brings a wonderful clarity to your life and direction.

But not to me.  Not today.  Not for a long while now.

My visionary clarity has been clouded by a spiritual cataract.  My sense of purposeful direction is blindfolded.  My halting, faulting, stumbling steps betray an uncertainty about what tomorrow may bring, much less next year, and God forbid that I should actually try to predict what may come next decade.

There are a number of reasons for that.  A number of circumstances that have brought my condition about.  Stumbling blocks have become monoliths.  Molehills have become mountains.  I can no longer see into the future, and I am reduced to doing only what the day requires.

And I have found that having uncertainty brings a wonderful clarity to your faith. 

Do I trust in God to provide me with strength for today?  My strength is gone, so I have no choice but to believe in that promise, and so I do.

Do I believe that He is able to provide for me and my family what the needs of today demand?  And that when tomorrow becomes today, He will be able to do it all over again?  Since I can no longer see tomorrow, I have to trust that He's already there.

Do I trust that He is a faithful guide, leading me ever forward on the narrow and treacherous path, and that He will bring me to the good destination He has chosen? 

Do I trust that Christ has come so that I may have life, and have life to the full?

Do I trust Christ?

Every sure and certain thing that I had planned has been revealed to be neither sure nor certain.  When once I had been certain that I could plan my way into the future, I am shocked and frightened to learn that my vision has become so clouded that I can only see what is right in front of me.

And there stands Christ.  My only remaining option.  He who alone is Lord.  He who alone knows the future.  He who alone knows the path.  He who alone provides.  He who alone is the light on the path, the Word in my ears, the quieter of storms, the giver of life, the peace that passes all understanding.  He is there, sure and certain in flesh and blood, in water and word.  Unwavering.  Unchanging.

I don't understand Him, but I see Him.  Clearly.

And I have found that having uncertainty brings a wonderful clarity to your faith. 

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